When you marry, the hope is that it will be a forever partnership.  Unfortunately, divorce is all too common these days and it is a reality for many individuals in Hong Kong and around the world. While the effects of divorce cannot be completely avoided, it can somewhat be alleviated depending on how you choose to approach your divorce.

One way to alleviate the difficulties associated with divorce is mediation. In Hong Kong, there are many qualified mediators who can assist you and your spouse in working through the complex issues associated with divorce and allow both you and your spouse the opportunity to discuss issues and hopefully come to an agreement and plan that works best for you and your family.

Here are a few things to consider in determining whether mediation is an optimal alternative for you and your spouse:

1. Do You And Your Spouse Communicate? If you and your spouse are on speaking terms and can communicate without anger, frustration and criticism, this is a good sign that the two you will be able to sit together in mediation and work on resolving issues in your divorce
2. Do You Want To Minimize Fees And Costs? The bottom line is that mediation saves money.  When you litigate your divorce there can be exorbitant costs incurred to pay solicitors, barristers, joint experts and so forth.  Mediation minimizes costs and if you and your spouse are tight on funds and wish to minimize fees and costs, mediation is a wonderful alternative.
3. What Are Your Future Plans? It is true that when you litigate a divorce in Hong Kong you may be delayed due to the time constraints/busyness of the Family Court and being heard before judge. If you are in a hurry to get a divorce and want to resolve issues as soon as possible, mediation is a good option which will mean that your divorce proceedings are not drawn out for years to come.

In Hong Kong, a litigated divorce is costly.  Not only do you have to consider Family Court costs, but you also have to consider costs that are incurred as a result of employing a solicitor and potentially a barrister depending on the complexity of your case.  If you are able to communicate effectively with your spouse and believe the two of you can come to reasoned decisions and agreements related to issues such as asset division, spousal and child maintenance and child custody issues, then mediation may be a viable option for you.

Here are some helpful tips that may assist in a successful mediation:

1. Do Not Involve The Children In Adult Discussions/Decisions:  If you want to mediate your divorce and want to come to a reasoned decision that is in the best interests of you and your family, it is highly beneficial to lay the groundwork of a co-parenting relationship with your spouse.  To do so means that you do not involve the children in any adult discussions with respect to the divorce.  This also means there should not be any badmouthing of the other spouse with the children.  Remember that children need both parents and it should be your priority to facilitate your children having a healthy relationship with the other parent.
2. Compromise: To be successful at mediation requires you to compromise with your spouse.  If you are not willing to compromise, it will be very difficult to come to an agreement in mediation as there needs to be both give and take between you and your spouse.  You may be surprised that when you take a few steps towards compromise, your spouse may be willing to meet you halfway and be more willing to compromise him/herself.
3. Be Willing To Reach Out And Communicate: You may want to consider reaching out to your spouse to smooth out any misunderstandings before mediation so that you and your spouse can come to the mediation table without any built-up resentment or anger.  While you may not have the same relationship as when you were married, it is important to recognize that you and your spouse may still need to remain in each other’s lives. For example, when you are co-parents of the children of the family.  Reaching out and putting pride aside will go a long way in building a new relationship post-divorce.
4. Try To Understand Your Spouse’s Point Of View: It is important to always consider your spouse’s point of view.  While it may be hard to do so given long-standing resentments and issues in the relationship, this is an important step in resolving issues amicably.  Perhaps your spouse may be proposing something reasonable.  Take the time to consider their point of view before forming your own decision.  You may be surprised that there is a compromise in the midst of two differing ideas/opinions.

If you are interested in mediating your divorce, speak with a professional solicitor experienced in matrimonial law.  He/she will be able to put you in touch with an experienced mediator who can assist you and your spouse in resolving issues.  Once you and your spouse agree on a mediator, the mediator will walk you through the steps and preparation needed before you attend the first session.  It is important to note that depending on the complexity of your case, you and your spouse may need to attend multiple mediation sessions.  The key however is that you and your spouse are both willing to cooperate and participate in the mediation process.  That in itself will go a long way in helping you and your spouse achieve the goals you want in your divorce.